Stream of (barely) consciousness...

Most, if not all of you, know that my Mom-mom had surgery this morning.  The Drs. were confident that she had a severe blockage in the carotid artery and that as a result of the stroke she had earlier in the month she needed surgery to bypass the blockage.  Well, when they went to put the stent in this morning, they found it was not necessary.  In recovery, she suffered another stroke...

I'm still waiting on details, but in the meantime I am at work waiting...watching the clock...trying unnsuccessfully to be productive...feeling guilty because I can only concentrate on one grandmother (Mom-mom.)

A co-worker and friend reminded me that "God is the GREAT PHYSICIAN."  I believe that, but am honestly struggling right now.  I haven't really ever had to deal with death; not when it came to a close family member anyhow.  When I was in college and my Mom had colon cancer, I refused to even consider death as an option.  Now, I find myself thinking about it often.  Too many what ifs over the past few weeks.  What if...

...they can't do surgery and she dies?
...she has another stroke before the surgery and doesn't make it?
...they can't put the stent in and have to do emergency bypass?
...the surgery is successful and everythings ok?

Never did I think what if the surgery is completely unnecessary and she'd have another stroke in recovery.

As I sit here waiting for more news, I am comforted by one thing about death, specifically regarding my precious Mom-mom.  She will be in heaven...there's NO doubt in my mind.  That's OBVIOUSLY not what I want to be thinking about, but right now, there's no controlling the thoughts that just roll across my thick head.

If you're reading this, then I hope that you will pray with me.  I'm reminded of Isaiah 55:8-9,

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts."

God is and will continue to be in control and regardless of what happens next, I'm comforted by this.


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